The Aeven Pub: 2018

Monday 19 November 2018

Wikky's take: She-Ra Sucks...

...and not for the reasons that the show's PR folks want you to notice.

It's interesting to me that since the debut of the rebooted Netflix series that the attention is being directed at 3 or 4 neo-bronies who don't think that the animation is "adult" or "sexy" enough.

Fuck that noise. It's a distraction being offered up to lump anyone who would criticize the show with the Trump voting, Jodie Whitaker Doctor-hating, sweaty uncels living in their mother's basement.

They exist. They're stupid. They're not the point.

I'm an older guy who thinks the reboot sucks.

I binged the series both out of a sense of nostalgia and to discern whether it was appropriate for my kids. I could give a rats ass about whether She-Ra has boobs and frankly I think it's better that she doesn't. The animation is mostly fine (the stupid shading under the eyes notwithstanding).

The problem with She-Ra isn't the animation - it's that it's not She-Ra.

It's Totally Spies.

A plastic, toy selling, and loosely based commercial vehicle that reduces the characters to vapid and bumbling shells of their original incarnations. This is what happens when Caillou grows up and stumbles into real world problems.

The original series wasn't without its problems as we find often in the He-Man She-Ra universe but at least the characters were imbued with some sense of depth and greatness. They struggled with problems of life and yet retained the gravitas of the situations they found themselves in.

In this incarnation you have a bunch of kids dropped into a civil war that threatens devastation to the environment and enslavement of people to a monolithic worldview and rather than creating an opportunity for younger viewers and parents to find a point of connect for difficult subjects - the severity of the world is dropped for Bow fawning over a shanty-singing flake of a pirate.

"My moustache is naturally shiny."

What. The. Fuck.

Everything is lost in the candy coating.

Adora's quest for self understanding.
Catra's sense of betrayal.
Glimmer's coming of age.

None of the stories have any substance or depth because mature and well-defined characters are replaced with 80s stereotypical valley girls.

The dialogue is atrocious. The mythos of the show barely acknowledged. Character development would be great were there characters to develop.

Even the mystery of She-Ra is removed. Everyone knows that Adora and She-Ra are one in the same. Except Shadowweaver and Hordak apparently - because...I don't know. I've given the fuck up at this point.

There is no feminism in She-Ra. There is no example for our daughters or contra-narrative for our sons that shows the depth, intelligence and strength of women in the face of a grave and difficult world.

There is only the empty ego of thoughtless mall-rats stumbling away from greatness and into the warm embrace of the nearest Wal-Mart toy aisle.

She-Ra sucks not because it isn't "Adult" enough.

She-Ra sucks because it isn't even "Kid" enough.

- W.

Saturday 17 February 2018

#fearandsmallpenises

I've compiled a scientific list of the top five reasons that gun control isn't happening in the US when all around the world it seems to be working swimmingly. Enjoy!

5. Women don't find you attractive. It's true that most "men" who find themselves drawn into the gun culture are generally lacking in looks or personality. They tend to be socially anxious bullies who attempt to overcompensate for their lack of desirability by strapping on a prosthetic to enhance their "manliness".

4. You are insecure and immature. Somewhere in the development process your brain stopped developing. Most adults tend to solve their issues through reason and discussion. Having a weapon and being perceived as "dangerous" means that people will steer clear of confronting you on your lack of development both upstairs and down below.

3. Paranoia. Nobody's coming to steal your shit. Seriously. Most of you gun nuts who are yammering on about defending your homes don't have anything worth taking. Except your guns. #irony

2. Fear of the BBC. It's true. Your second amendment prescribes for a "well regulated militia" (read by Republicans as "free for all of dimwitted fucktards with #fearandsmallpenises"). But you're really not afraid of a British invasion are you? It's the D that your woman might be craving. Admit it. You're afraid that David Tennant might satisfy her more than you can.

1. Fear of the BBC. I know a lot of Americans who are actually afraid of some of "those people" turning their cul-de-sac into a 'hood. Wives, girlfriends and daughters realizing that these emotionally repressed, overbearing, white throwbacks don't provide what they need and falling into the arms of more satisfying lovers. Flood the streets with guns. Ramp up the poverty and drug trade. Then claim self defense as the real reason that you have an arsenal and a panic room in your suburban townhouse.

If you boil it down. There are really only two reasons: #fearandsmallpenises